


Arthropods and Awkwardness

by phantasticworks



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arachnophobia, Bad Flirting, Flirting, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mentions of Masturbation, Neighbors, spider - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-22 10:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17660645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticworks/pseuds/phantasticworks
Summary: Dan Howell is terrified of spiders. So when he finds one in his bathtub, the only thing he can do is go to his very cute neighbor and hope that he will help him get rid of it. Cute banter ensues.Taken from this prompt from @dailyau on tumblr:“this is totally awkward considering before this the only interactions we’ve ever had have been casual nods to each other in the hallway but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bath tub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type please help me” (@demineil)





	1. Spidey Senses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan has a spider problem, but he also has a cute neighbor who is willing to help him out.

This morning had started out just the same as every other morning of Dan’s mundane life. He had woken up around midday after staying up far too late on the internet, spending about two hours working and at least twice that browsing tumblr. There was a certain problem in his pants that he felt he should address upon waking, but rather actually roll out of bed and take care of it in the shower like any responsible adult male would do, he instead rolled over and grabbed the tissues from beside his bed. 

The motions were familiar and calming, lazy in a way that one would be when they’ve just woken up with a boner for maybe the fourth time in a week, with several months of celibacy behind them. Dan didn’t particularly care about dating at the moment, as work had taken a good part of his time, and what time wasn’t spent at his job at the radio station was spent online. He didn’t exactly grieve the loss of a companion and having a relationship, until mornings like this, at least. These mornings brought him a very different perspective. 

After finishing quickly but not entirely quietly, Dan disposes of the tissues he had used to clean his mess and grabs his phone to check for any interesting or important notifications. Luckily it was a Sunday, meaning he didn’t have to be at work today. He could probably stand to go to the grocery store, and the thought of what he might have left in his cupboards makes him cringe. The last he checked, they were pretty bare. Definitely needed to remedy that. 

After half an hour of uneventful scrolling that leads to nothing interesting, he finally decides to get the day started. The sooner I get out of bed, the sooner I can get back in it, he thinks to himself. The thought encourages him to shuffle out of bed and into the bathroom, yawning loudly as he goes to turn the water in the shower on. 

And just like that, with a simple everyday task of pulling the shower curtain back, Dan’s entire life falls apart. 

Well, that’s what it felt like, anyway. Because sitting right in his bathtub, barely a few inches from the drain, was a gigantic fucking spider. His barely contained scream bounced off the walls of the shower, which seemingly inconvenienced the monster residing in his bathtub, as it twitched a few of its legs before slowly moving away from the drain. 

Dan was certain he was going to faint. There was no way, absolutely no fucking way, that he would survive this encounter. He might as well just burn down the entire apartment building, as if there’s one spider, there’s bound to be more. Not able to even be in the same room as the offending creature for another moment, he quickly scurried out of the bathroom, shivers running down his back and arms as he could almost feel the little furry legs running up and down his body. 

This thought is accompanied by a wave of nausea and panic, as he realized he truly had no idea what to do. He couldn’t very well move it himself, as he was fairly certain he would die. Even if the little beast didn’t manage to eat him like he really feared it might, he was still fairly certain that just being in such close proximity would freak him out to the point where he would faint and give himself a concussion in his stupidly small bathroom. 

His choices were pretty limited at this point, so he decided to do the totally rational and very adult thing in this situation. 

He called his mum. 

“Daniel? Is everything okay? You normally don’t call on Sundays, dear.” His mother’s voice is already concerned when she answers the phone, and the thought that she’s worried about him settles him only slightly. She should be worried, seeing as he was in the middle of a near-death experience. 

“No! Mum, I need your help. There’s this huge fucking spider-“ 

“Language, Daniel.” She interrupts him. 

He rolls his eyes before continuing. “Mum. There’s a huge spider in my bathtub, and I don’t know what to do. Do I call the RSPCA? Is there like a police unit or like an emergency exterminator hotline or-“ He’s cut off mid-sentence with a huff, and he nearly throws his phone in frustration when he hears his mum laughing. 

“Daniel. You’ve got to be joking. A spider?” 

“Yes, Mum. A huge one. Like, the size of, like, an egg. Or something.” He may be slightly exaggerating, but the image of the spider he has in his mind is about the size of a football, and he knows that’s definitely further from the truth. 

He hears a sigh, followed by what sounds like someone else speaking to his mother. Dan paces around his bedroom, casting nervous glances to the bathroom door as if the spider would suddenly grow gigantic legs and be able to walk straight into his bedroom to kill him. He shivers at the imagery, regardless of how ridiculous he knows it is. 

“Daniel, I really don’t see why you can’t just take it out.” The voice on the phone finally responds to him, and he nearly gasps in offense. 

“What?” He nearly shouts. “I’m not going near it!” He feels slightly hysterical at this point, but he’s unsure who else he could turn to for this kind of advice. Too bad this advice is completely unhelpful. 

“Well I guess you’ve got a new flatmate.” His mother sounds far too amused by her own joke, and he groans. 

“Mum, this isn’t funny.” Taking a seat on the very edge of his bed and hugging his legs to his chest, Dan feels a bit safer from the imminent danger of the spider. 

“You’re telling me. Dan, you’re twenty-seven, love. Just handle it, okay?” She sounds distracted now, and he briefly wonders if he’s called at a bad time, before realizing of course he’s called during a bad time. He’s having a terribly bad time, and the threat of death was still looming over him as his mother just seemed to sit idly by. 

“But… What am I meant to do?” He whines. He’d be ashamed if it wasn’t his mother on the phone, but as it is, he barely even notices how childish he’s beginning to sound. 

“I don’t know. Kill it, catch it, I don’t know, Daniel.” She sighs heavily. “Look, if you really can’t deal with it, how about you ask that lovely neighbor I met when you were moving in? Finn, was it?” She suggests innocently. 

Dan’s cheeks immediately heat up at the mention of his neighbor, who he may or may not harbor a small crush for. He’d only had one or two conversations with him, one of those being their introductions the day Dan moved in, and the second being a few weeks later when some of his neighbor’s mail got mixed up with his. So, two conversations. Not that Dan was counting or anything. 

Besides that, there had been a few polite hellos and nods when they ran into each other in the hall. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for him to know that his name wasn’t Finn. “His name is Phil, mum. And I don’t know, isn’t that kind of pathetic? For a grown man to go ask another grown man to kill a spider for him?” He says lamely, tugging at a thread unravelling from the sleeve of his shirt as he pictures his cute neighbor and how the conversation may go. 

“Would it be anymore pathetic than a grown man calling his mum to ask her what to do about a spider?” His mum’s response is smug, and they both know she has a point. 

He glares at the carpet in his room before sighing. “Fine. But if he says no and I die, I want you to take full responsibility for the fact that my life was fully in your hands in this situation.” He slowly rises from his bed, glancing once more at the bathroom before making the quick decision to shut the door until he returned, hopefully containing the little horror-beast inside. 

“God, I’ll never understand how you didn’t make a career in drama, Daniel.” 

“Bye, mum.” He rolls his eyes as he makes his way to his front door. 

“Bye, love.” The call disconnects with a beep, and he groans as he shoves his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants. 

He stops just as he goes to leave his apartment, contemplating what he’s about to do, as well as trying to psych himself up for it so he wouldn’t back out. Other than the very genuine fear that his cute neighbor would just think he’s stupid and immediately slam the door in his face, Dan had to admit that he really didn’t have anything to lose in this situation. 

He reminds himself that it’s all for a good cause, that cause being the threat of a giant spider in his bathroom, which spurs him into action. He crosses the rather wide hallway between their flats, leaving his own door ajar behind him as he knocks on Phil’s door. He’s wringing his hands together, partly in nervousness about seeing his cute neighbor, but mostly in nervousness of how said cute neighbor would react to such a strange request. 

He’s rehearsing his thoughts to himself, slightly muttering, rehearsing what he’s going to say as he waits for his neighbor to make an appearance. “Hey, this is definitely awkward, considering we basically only nod to each other in the hallway, but there’s a huge fucking spider in my bathtub and you seem like the friendly neighbor type, please help me.” Even saying his situation out loud makes Dan feel like an idiot, and he very nearly turns around, until he realizes that the door has been opened, a slightly amused Phil standing just on the other side. 

Dan has to take in a sharp breath at the sight of him, with his hair pushed up casually into a quiff, glasses sat on his nose. He’s wearing a Friends t-shirt and bright yellow emoji pajama pants, with a pair of mismatched socks to complete the look. Dan tries not to stare at him, since he was raised in a house that taught him that staring is rude, but he didn’t see the harm in just taking a moment to look. 

It’s not until the thought of staring crosses his mind that he realizes he’s just stood there, not talking, while Phil just watches him, his head tilted, eyebrows raised as if he’s waiting for something. 

“I’m Dan.” Dan says stupidly, immediately wanting to smack himself in the face for how dumb it sounds. He already fucking knows your name, idiot. 

Phil only smiles, taking Dan slightly off-guard, as Dan was pretty sure this was the point where the door would be slammed in his face. “And I’m Phil.” He smiles wider, his tongue poking between his teeth. Dan struggles not to watch the movement, as he figured staring at his neighbor’s lips would probably be considered creepy. “But we both knew that.” 

“Right.” Dan clears his throat, opening his mouth to speak as he pushes his curls off his forehead. He tries to force his words out in a much more casual, non-creepy way than they had sounded as he said them to himself before, but instead all that falls out of his mouth is basically word vomit. “There’s a huge fucking spider in my bathtub, would you mind coming with me to get rid of it?” He immediately cringes as he processes what it is that he’s just asked this virtual stranger, and he goes to take it right back before Phil surprises him yet again. 

“Sure. Lead the way.” He grins, gesturing to Dan’s door. It takes a few seconds for Dan to process the outcome of their conversation, but when he does, he’s nodding and turning around to lead the way back to his apartment. 

As they step through the doorway, Dan feels obligated to apologize, or at least explain himself. Neither of those things happen, though. In his fit of nervousness, the only thing that leaves Dan’s mouth is, “My mum told me to come ask if you’d help out.” He’s shaking his head to himself, glad that Phil can’t see the look on his face. He’s so embarrassed at how nervous and stupid he must look to the cute man trailing behind him, he barely hears the soft laughter. 

“Your mum must be pretty smart, then. I’m basically an expert spider catcher. Er- you didn’t want me to kill it, did you?” Phil stops when Dan does in his bedroom, his hand resting on the handle of the bathroom door as he turns to face Phil. He’s surprised to see an almost nervous look on the man’s face. “I just- I don’t know if I could do that. Kill it, I mean. They may look scary, but I just don’t think I can actually kill one.” Phil reaches a hand up to rub at the back of his neck in what is probably a nervous fashion, but Dan can’t help but think about how hot he looks doing it. Stop that! He thinks to himself. This kind stranger is here to help you get rid of a spider problem, not a loneliness, sex-deprived problem, you twat. 

Instead of letting Phil in on his inner turmoil, Dan shrugs at him with a sheepish smile. “I really don’t care what you do with it as long as it gets the spider out of my bathtub.” 

Phil nods, looking relieved. He waves his hand to the door, his lips quirking up into a smile on one side. “Well, let’s have a look, shall we?” 

Dan nods, biting his lip nervously as he opens the door to the bathroom slowly. He peeks at the ground around the door, scanning the floor all around the bathtub to make sure the spider hadn’t suddenly escaped and made its way out of the bathroom. After he ensures that it’s not coming for them, he throws the door open a bit wider, stepping aside and gesturing for Phil to go first, chewing on his thumbnail now. 

“Ladies first?” Phil guesses with a joking smile as he steps into the bathroom, heading straight for the bathtub. 

“Lady? Mate, right now you’re basically my knight in fucking shining armor.” Dan barely manages a laugh with the anxiety that’s suddenly creeping in now that he’s back in the same room with the spider, but the smile that Phil sends him puts him at ease slightly. 

“You’re definitely going to owe me your first-born child after this.” Phil informs him, facing the bathtub and pushing the curtain slowly out of the way. 

“You can have whatever the hell you want from me if you get this spider out of my bathroom.” Dan promises, his mind filling in with an innuendo only after he’s already said it aloud. He hopes his cheeks aren’t flushed red, but he knows they probably are with the thoughts running through his mind now. 

Phil lets out a quiet laugh before turning back to face Dan, a smile on his cute face. “I’ll keep that in mind, but for now I need a bowl and a piece of paper, like a magazine cover or something like that.” His voice isn’t demanding, but it definitely takes on an air of someone who is in charge. 

Dan immediately moves to head into the kitchen to retrieve the items he had requested. “Bowl and paper, coming right up,” he chirps. After taking a second to look around the kitchen for the materials, he returns to the bathroom to find his neighbor still standing beside the bathtub, his gaze turned down to where Dan assumed the spider probably was. “Here you go,” his voice wavers as he holds the items out, staying a fair distance away, sparing several glances between Phil and the bathtub where the hell-creature is still chilling. 

“Thanks,” Phil smiles and takes the items, turning to face the tub again before a thought seems to cross his mind, causing him to turn back around. “Do you want to go wait in your room until I get him in here? You seem pretty nervous, and I think I’ve got this under control.” His voice isn’t judgmental or mean in the slightest, instead just sounding concerned. 

“Uh- yeah, yeah. I think that’d be good. Stay out of your way, and all.” Dan bites his lip again as he shuffles back out the door. Phil just smiles that bright smile again, his tongue poking out. Dan finds himself wondering what that tongue tastes like, but he forces himself to think of something else, like the spider. But then he’s thinking about how the spider tastes, which makes him cringe. 

“I’ll just be a minute, then.” Phil dismisses him, turning back to his task. 

Dan retreats into the bedroom, curling up into a ball up near the headrest, where he felt it was safest in case the spider managed to get away from Phil and come after him. Dan tries desperately not to let those thoughts bother him too much, but he finds that he can’t really help it. The idea of a spider crawling on him, or really being anywhere near him, just makes him shake with nerves. He was unbelievable relieved that Phil had just agreed to save him from this one, or else he’d surely be dead by now. 

He tries not to get anymore paranoid as he waits, and luckily, he doesn’t have to wait long. Phil steps out of his bathroom triumphantly a moment later, the bowl flipped up with the paper Dan had found resting on top of it. “All done! Here’s the little home invader.” He steps closer to the bed as if to show Dan there’s nothing to be afraid of, but in a moment of panic, Dan shoves himself away and squeaks in fear. Phil nearly drops the bowl in surprise as Dan’s face flushes with embarrassment. 

“Sorry, I just… I don’t do well. With spiders, you know. Hence why you’re here.” He laughs awkwardly, but surprisingly Phil looks almost ashamed, not confused or uncomfortable by Dan’s reaction. 

“Oh yeah, duh. Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking coming over here with him.” He seems to hesitate for a minute before turning to nod at the window by Dan’s bed leading to the fire escape. “Is it alright if I let him out over there? Or would you rather I take him downstairs?” Phil asks, studying Dan as he waits for a response. 

“Oh, erm…” He glances out the window, considering. “Do you think it- he, whatever… Do you think he could get back in from the window?” Dan chews on his lip nervously, not really wanting Phil to leave and go all the way downstairs, but also not wanting the spider to make a return. 

Phil smiles briefly before stepping towards the window. “I don’t think so. As long as you keep it fastened it should be fine.” Dan had already had the window open given how hot it had been in London recently, but as Phil said that he nods furiously. He’d never open his window again if it meant he didn’t have to find another spider in his flat again. 

“Okay, I can do that.” Dan bites his lip as he watches Phil lean out the window to allow the spider to fall out of the bowl. 

“Besides,” Phil continued as he turns around with a grin, a mischievous look on his face. “If it comes back, I just get to come back over and see you again, right?” His tongue does that adorable thing again, poking out between his teeth, as he sets the bowl and paper down on the desk next to Dan’s window. 

Dan stares at him, his jaw slack for a minute as he processes what was clearly meant to be flirting. When he realizes he still hasn’t spoken, he clears his throat, looking around his room slowly as he tries to think of a clever response. “Actually…” he begins slowly. Smirking as he gets an idea, he tries to put on a very nervous voice, which, unsurprisingly, isn’t that difficult. “I do get a lot of spiders in here. I might have to have you come around to check for them pretty often now that I know how brave you are.” He can barely keep his smile from appearing, but he tries to for the sake of flirting. 

“Is that so?” Phil asks slyly, leaning back against the windowsill and tilting his head, a smirk taking over his features. Dan knows he’s been caught out, but he finds that their casual flirting is too good to pass up on, so he nods seriously, keeping up the ruse. 

“Oh, definitely.” He suddenly gets nervous and insecure, thinking maybe this was a very one-sided flirtatious conversation and Phil was just putting up with it because he felt bad about the spider incident. “I mean, if you want- or like, if you wouldn’t mind, you know. To come over here. To check. For spiders, you know.” Dan stumbles over his words, bringing his hand up to scratch at the back of his neck awkwardly. 

Phil watches him with his eyebrows raised for a moment, a small smile still gracing his lips. “You’re cute,” he states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Dan immediately blushes and ducks his head, too nervous to even make eye contact. 

“Thanks. You too.” He mumbles, staring down at his hands. 

Phil laughs loudly at this, causing Dan’s gaze to snap up to see what’s so funny. “Is that like your nice way of saying I can leave now?” He smiles as he says it, but Dan realizes he looks slightly more stiff now, as if he’s unsure where he stands all of a sudden. 

Dan definitely doesn’t want to lose whatever slim chance he may have had with him, so he quickly sits up. “No! Not at all! I just meant that you’re cute too. Or, like, I think so. I think you’re really hot, and- oh fuck. I mean-“ he shakes his head as his words just tumble out, mentally cursing himself for how inarticulate he can get when he has a crush on someone. A crush? What are you? Twelve? 

Phil smiles broadly, tilting his head as Dan rambles. He waits until Dan has gone quiet again before speaking. “So, you think I’m hot?” He says, almost teasingly. 

Dan starts to deny it before thinking, fuck it. He was here, he heard me the first time. He decides to just go for it and straightens up, looking straight into the very blue eyes of his very hot neighbor. “Yeah, I think so. Probably be hotter in something other than emoji pajamas, but honestly, this look is working for you too.” He grins as Phil’s face falls in surprise. 

“What? These are very tasteful pajamas!” He argues, crossing his arms like a child. 

Dan shrugs, shifting to lean back on his hands. “If you say so. Although, I’m pretty sure you’d look good in anything…” He takes a moment to very obviously check Phil out, dragging his eyes over his perfect quiff and all the way down to the bottom of his obnoxious pajamas. Then he shrugs, a smirk on his face. “Or nothing, for that matter.” He’s unsure if his attempt at being suave and sexy really did anything until he notices the way Phil visibly swallows, taking in Dan’s appearance as well. 

Dan suddenly feels self-conscious, knowing he hasn’t styled his hair whatsoever today, and he’s still in the same grey sweats and black t-shirt he slept in the night before. Phil, however, doesn’t seem all that bothered by his unkept appearance, as he almost blushes when Dan catches him staring. 

“Wouldn’t you like to see for yourself,” he retorts to Dan’s earlier statement. Dan shrugs, his lips quirking into a smile. Phil speaks again before he gets the chance to reply that why yes, yes, I would love to see that. “You’re not so bad yourself, you know.” He smirks. 

Dan shrugs, then shifts so he’s leaning forwards, closer to Phil. “Yeah, but I’ve never had the opportunity to shag myself, mate.” He doesn’t realize how crude he sounds until a look of surprise crosses his neighbor’s face, making him realize that this is honestly their first real, full length conversation. After barely no time, Dan was already fucking it up and making it far too sexual. 

Phil takes a second to recover, then laughs, bringing a hand up to run his fingers through his hair. Dan swallows at the action. “Is that where you thought this was going?” Phil says casually, crossing his arms again. 

Dan suddenly blushes, staring down at his hands in shame. “Well… not really. Wishful thinking?” He suggests, shrugging as he thinks about how much he’d love to just be invisible right now, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the aftereffects of what he had said. 

“Hm.” Phil hums, causing Dan to glance up at him through his eyelashes. He’s gazing out the window, a thoughtful look on his face. “I’m actually not the type to sleep with someone I barely know.” He says finally, his eyes shifting to meet Dan’s. 

Ducking his head yet again to avoid the probably disgusted look on Phil’s face, Dan nods furiously. “I know, I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into me.” He mumbles the apology, wondering how rude it would be to say he had somewhere he needed to be, if only to get Phil to leave so he could wallow in self-pity for ruining everything. 

“So, do you want to go get a coffee sometime?” Phil’s voice interrupts his spiraling, and Dan looks up sharply, only to find Phil grinning. 

“I… what?” Dan asks, shaking his head. 

“Coffee’s generally a good way to get to know someone.” Phil shrugs as if Dan should have been on the same page. “I’m not going to sleep with someone I don’t know, but I’d totally sleep with someone I’m dating.” He bites his lip then, as if he’s unsure if he’s crossed a line. “That is, if you’re interested?” 

Dan nearly laughs at that. Of fucking course he’s interested. He didn’t care if they slept together or not, as long as he got to look at the beautiful man in front of him in something other than these godawful pajamas. Although, he’d certainly be down for more than just looking. 

Rather than continue thinking about it, he looks up at Phil with a small smile. “I’d like that. Just name the time and place, and I’d love to go get coffee.” He’s glad that his nerves have subsided enough for him not to screw up his words too much, as there’s no telling what he might have blurted out otherwise. 

Phil smiles, then shifts around, glancing outside again. “I don’t suppose you’d be up for going in, say, twenty minutes?” He asks, almost bashfully. 

Dan smiles widely, and he’s positive his dimple is showing now. “I suppose I would be.” He’s almost giddy with excitement at the prospect of Phil and him going on a real date. 

“Great! Then, I’ll see you in twenty minutes?” He questions, moving to Dan’s bedroom door. 

“Yep!” Just as Phil turns to leave, Dan remembers the reason he had come over in the first place. “Oh, and Phil? I’m buying.” He smiles at the way Phil’s face pulls into a frown immediately. 

“What, no. I asked you out, I’ve got it.” He argues, looking confused. Dan shakes his head. 

“Nope, how else am I supposed to pay you back for saving me from the spider?” he chastises gently as he goes to his closet to pull out a shirt, struggling to seem casual as Phil watches him from the doorway. 

“I can think of a few other ways.” He hears Phil mutter. When he turns around, raising an eyebrow at the implications behind that, Phil blushes. “First born child, remember?” He shrugs. 

Dan rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “We’ll argue about it on the way?” He compromises. 

Phil suddenly smiles brightly. “That sounds like a plan. See you in twenty minutes.” He winks, awkwardly and badly, before he steps out. 

Dan giggles at the gesture before turning back to his closet. Just as he goes to walk into the bathroom, he recalls that his window is still stood wide open. He walks over to it with every intention of shutting it, scanning the fire escape for the hell-beast as he does. 

Then, a thought occurs to him. Maybe I’ll leave it open just a little. After all, if that spider hadn’t gotten in here I wouldn’t be going on a date with my very hot neighbor. He turns away, leaving it open with a small smile. Let them come crawling in.

— 

In the end, he closes the window as soon as he gets out of the shower, not even the thought of the hot date he just scored enough to justify letting the little crawling demons in. Some things just never change.


	2. Arachnid Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil go on a date after their spider-catching adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've redone the structure of this story to be in chapters rather than in different parts, so if you've read part one and two, you've already read this chapter, so just skip on to chapter three for the final part!

“No, because Mario is too short. If you’re going to shag one, it’s gotta be Link, definitely.” Dan’s logic may have been more than a little strange, but he wasn’t the one who wanted to discuss their sexual preferences in video game characters.

“But, just listen. Link’s all about saving the world! He wouldn’t have time to really care about you, or any of that. Mario is a real homemaker.” Phil looks seriously invested in his argument, and it’s a good thing they had finished their caramel macchiatos before starting this conversation, because Dan’s not really sure they would have bothered with them otherwise.

Phil had changed out of the cursed pajamas and was now wearing a white t-shirt with a polaroid logo on it, along with black jeans and a pair of sunglasses were tucked into his shirt. Dan had originally been a little disappointed to see the glasses go, but as soon as they’d stepped out of the building and Phil had put the shades on instead, Dan was melting. If he’d thought Phil was attractive this morning in his pajamas, this was a whole different level. He felt lucky that his heart hadn’t legitimately stopped at this point.

Dan had gone for black jeans, a grey t-shirt, and a cherry blossom-print, short sleeved button up that he left open. He had been going for a casual coffee date outfit, but he couldn’t stop staring at the ebony haired man sat in front of him. Which was comical, considering this grown man was currently debating about which animated character out of a game would make the best lover.

They’d been having a generally nice, casual chat up until then, but Dan was feeling particularly flirty today, so he decided he’d risk it. Rolling his eyes at Phil’s speech, he shifts his legs under the table, “accidentally” dragging his foot down Phil’s calf. He hides his smirk as he notices the man’s speech stutter slightly, feeling a small ego boost at the reaction he was able to get. Finally, he felt a little control here.

“I don’t know. I guess I just generally prefer a real person. Video games don’t really do it for me.” Dan says casually, leaning back in his seat, fully smirking at the way Phil’s eyes widen a little at the implications.

“Oh?” Phil inquires, mirroring Dan’s stance and leaning back in his chair as well. To add to it, and probably to make Dan’s heart palpitate, Phil runs a hand through his hair, the motion looking ridiculously well-practiced.

“Mhm. But I do have a few other… preferences.” He says, trying his hardest to sound serious around the nervousness he feels.

Phil smiles, tilting his head. Dan nearly jumps as he feels Phil’s foot rub against his leg, and his mouth nearly drops open. How dare he steal Dan’s thing? And be better at it, too? “Please indulge me. I’d love to know just what it is that gets you going.” Phil leans forward suddenly, as if they’re sharing a secret. “I bet you like to give up control. I think that’s what gets you hot. Am I right?” He raises an eyebrow, his blue eyes glimmering with mischief.

Dan swears below his breath, unable to help himself. How could this dorky guy, who was talking about corgis and houseplants not twenty minutes ago, suddenly sound this hot and seductive? It wasn’t fair. There’s no way Dan was giving in that easily, though. Sure, he wanted to get laid, but he wouldn’t just bend over for any guy with pretty blue eyes and perfect skin. And a good sense of humor. And, well, you get the point.

“Mm. Wouldn’t you like to find out?” He smirks, bringing his straw up to his mouth, chewing on the plastic as he watches Phil, who’s eyes are trained on Dan’s lips.

“I think you want to show me.” Phil says softly, his eyes flicking up to meet Dan’s. He smiles, and it’s not even seductive at this point, just happy. The thought that this date might end in something other than sex makes Dan’s heart race, and he’s not quite sure if it’s in a good way or not. After his last relationship ended over a year ago, he hadn’t dated and there had only been a few casual hookups. He wasn’t sure which way he wanted this to go, but as long as those blue eyes kept looking at him, he wasn’t sure he even cared.

“I… um…” Dan stutters, his thoughts jumbled together and keeping him from making any actual sense as he tries to speak. “Er- what?” He says blankly.

Phil laughs, shaking his head. “You’re very cute when you’re flustered, Dan. Would you like to go for a walk?” he asks, gesturing to the door. Dan nods, because of course he wants to go on a walk with this cute stranger, is he crazy?

They walk outside, and Phil takes the lead, slipping his sunglasses back on. It’s really not too bright out here, but Dan supposes that with contacts in the sun could be a little irritating. “How long have you worn glasses?” He suddenly blurts, not really realizing how much he cares about the answer until he turns to look at Phil, who’s already looking at him.

He glances up, as if the answer is in the clouds, but likely he’s just trying to remember. “I’m not sure… I found out I needed them when I was probably eighteen, and I’m thirty-two now… so, that many years.” He smiles.

Dan files that information away, then his brain catches on something else Phil had just told him. “Wait, you’re thirty-two?” He asks, not bothered at all, just curious about this new information.

Phil blushes, ducking his head as he nods. “Yeah. Is that, like, a deal breaker for you? Because I’m so old?” He asks, almost sounding resigned.

Dan would not be having that. He stops, his hand coming up to grip Phil’s wrist to stop him as well. “No, of course not.” He smiles cheekily then, and Phil’s eyes drop to the dimple in his cheek. “I like older men anyway.” Phil rolls his eyes at this, moving to keep walking, but Dan doesn’t loosen his grip on his wrist. They take a few steps like that before Phil slides his hand up, catching Dan’s in his own.

The brunet blushes at this but looks straight ahead as if he hadn’t even noticed. “So, if you like older men,” Phil continues their conversation, swinging their intertwined hands between them. “How old does that make you?” He asks, his head tilted to watch Dan.

“Twenty-eight. My birthday’s in June, though.” He shrugs, nodding towards the park they’re making their way to. “Are we going to the park?” He asks, trying not to blush when he looks at Phil. Even with the sunglasses on, Dan can tell that the older man is looking at him, and the attention makes him almost nervous.

“Aw, you’re just a baby.” He pinches Dan’s cheek, his hand being swatted away in the process. “And yeah, the park is nice, I figured we could walk around for a bit. I’m all about picture-perfect first dates.” He grins, his tongue poking out between his teeth.

“Oh? Picture-perfect, huh? Does this mean you’ll walk me to my door and we’ll share our first kiss when we’re done here?” Dan smirks, fluttering his eyelashes.

Phil laughs, elbowing him gently. “We’ll see, if you behave.”

“I can be a good boy,” Dan bites down on his tongue hard as Phil’s head swings around to look at him in shock at his boldness.

“Jesus, Dan. I can’t take you anywhere.” He rolls his eyes, glancing around as if someone might have heard them, and Dan notices the unmistakable blush on his cheeks.

Shrugging, Dan leads them over to a pond where a group of geese are gathered. “You can take me to bed,” he teases.

Phil smacks his arm, and Dan squeaks indignantly. “Daniel!” Phil’s barely containing his own laughter, but he’s trying to be serious. “I’ll take you to bed so you can take a nap if you don’t quit this.” Dan shrugs as if that works for him, and after flashes of he and Phil cuddling and napping together cross his mind, he decides that he really wouldn’t mind it at all.

“I like sleepovers, so I’m not entirely opposed to that idea, actually.”

Phil only laughs, pushing his glasses up since they’re standing in the shade provided by the trees surrounding the pond. “I’m really glad we did this. You’ve come out of your shell a lot since this morning, and I’m really enjoying spending time with you, Dan.” He says, his voice so genuine that it nearly makes Dan trip over his own feet.

His first reaction is to make a sarcastic comment, as he typically does when faced with any form of compliment or sentimentality, but when he sees the look of fondness on Phil’s face, the comment dies in his throat. “I am too,” he whispers instead, squeezing Phil’s hand.

The older man smiles, and Dan blushes, turning away to face the pond for a distraction. When he sees the geese, he blurts out, “Do you want to know a fun fact about geese?”

Phil looks slightly taken aback by the abrupt change in topic, but he still smiles widely before nodding. “Hit me with those sweet facts.” He smirks at the way Dan’s face crinkles at his wording.

Dan opens his mouth before realizing he doesn’t even have a fact. He just blurted it out because he was nervous and needed a distraction. Great. “They’re dicks.” He says finally, trying to put as much conviction in his voice as possible.

Phil stares at him for a moment before he starts laughing hysterically. Dan grins, relieved that he didn’t just think it was weird or stupid. When he’s done laughing, he looks at Dan, tilting his head with a soft smile on his face. When he opens his mouth, Dan expects him to say something cute that’ll likely make him blush, but instead he makes an obnoxious goose noise.

Dan’s eyes widen, and it takes him all of two seconds before he’s in stitches himself, and then they’re both stood there making goose noises, holding their sides with how hard they’ve been laughing. As he’s wiping tears of mirth out of his eyes, Dan leans heavily into Phil’s side, blushing as the older man drops his hand to instead wrap an arm around his shoulders. They’re about the same height, although Dan’s probably an inch or two taller if he’d stand up a little straighter.

“Yeah, I’m really glad we did this.” Phil smiles, guiding Dan away from the pond and over to a bench. “Or, as a goose would say,” followed by more obnoxious goose noises that cause Dan to begin giggling all over again. Phil just grins at him as he laughs, clearly more than proud of himself for getting Dan to laugh so much.

“You’re a dork, did you know that?” Dan smiles as they both drop onto the bench, Phil’s arm falling onto the backrest just behind Dan’s shoulder blades, his fingers playing with the hem of Dan’s sleeve.

“I really want to kiss you,” Phil blurts, his eyes widening as if he hadn’t meant to say it. Dan’s heart races, but he tries to play it as nonchalant as he can.

“Then why don’t you?” He asks with a smirk.

Phil tilts his head before smiling, his hand coming up to caress Dan’s cheek. Dan leans into the touch, his own hands coming up to fist Phil’s shirt as he leans in. Their lips touch lightly at first, but as Phil goes to pull away, Dan makes an embarrassing sound in his throat before following him, reattaching their lips. He doesn’t even care if this is needy or weird on a first date, Phil has soft lips and he’s been looking at him with those blue eyes all morning, and Dan is more than ready to take it a step further.

Phil’s hand drops from Dan’s face to his leg, which he tugs on until Dan is facing him fully. The older man brings his hands back up, one holding Dan there by the back of his neck while the other hand cups his jaw. The brunet basically swoons at this point, sighing into the kiss, which allows Phil to tentatively trace his lip with his tongue. Dan hurriedly moves his mouth to allow Phil the freedom to explore, but before it can go that far, he pulls away, keeping their foreheads pushed together.

“What’s wrong?” Dan whispers, feeling Phil’s breath against his lips and aching to close the gap again. He doesn’t, however, because he doesn’t want to overstep Phil’s boundaries.

Phil sighs, shaking his head slowly. “Nothing, just… Maybe the park isn’t the best place for this.” He answers.

“Oh,” Dan responds. His lips quirk into a smirk. Emotions and the cute hand-holding part of a date may be a little out of his comfort zone, but when it comes to the sex part, he feels that he’s pretty well-versed. “We can go back to mine? Or yours, if you want.”

Phil nods, pulling away only to tug Dan up by the hand. “Let’s go, then.” He smiles, leading the way back to their apartment building. Dan almost makes a comment about him being in a hurry, but he doesn’t want Phil to feel like he doesn’t want this, because god, does he. He didn’t think it was possible for him to want something more than he wanted this.

Instead, he says, “Thank you, by the way.” When Phil looks at him with a raised eyebrow, Dan feels his face heat up, and he kicks at the pavement. “For the date. I haven’t done something this fun in a while… so thanks.” He smiles a little, but it’s nothing compared to the grin that lights up Phil’s face.

“I’m glad you’ve had a good time, Dan. If I had known you liked boys, I would have asked months ago.” He bites his lip then, as if that wasn’t appropriate.

Dan’s jaw drops at this. Phil had liked him this whole time? “What?” He demands.

It’s Phil’s turn to blush then, and he nods, looking at the ground as they walk. “Yeah, after the first time I saw you I really wanted to ask you out. But I wasn’t sure… you seemed like you could swing either way, but I didn’t want to get it wrong and make you feel awkward, since we’re neighbors.” He shrugs as if it’s not a big deal, which, maybe it isn’t, but to Dan, it feels like it.

“I’m bi.” Dan says, nodding. Phil nods sheepishly as well. “But like, if you had asked me out, I would have been flattered, even if I didn’t also fuck men.”

Phil’s eyes widen comically at the crude way Dan had said that, and Dan just smirks. “Dan!” He hisses, looking around.

Dan shrugs. “I don’t care if people hear me. Are you…” He realizes he’d never asked Phil about something kind of important, and he slows his walk. “Are you out?” He studies the man beside him, wondering if he should pull his hand away.

Luckily, Phil takes away that worry almost immediately by nodding. “Yeah, I just… I’m not big on swearing, is all.” He shrugs, but he avoids Dan’s gaze.

Snickering, Dan shakes his head. “Well, you’ll get sick of me pretty soon, then.” He jokes.

They walk through the door to their building, heading to the elevator, their hands still interlocked. “No, of course not. I mean, I swear occasionally, but it just… I guess I feel weird about it when there are people are around?” He says, almost questioning, as if he isn’t really sure himself.

Dan smirks at this news, crowding Phil in the elevator when the doors shut behind them. “Yeah? How could I make you swear?” He teases, attaching his lips to Phil’s jaw, working his way down.

“You can’t.” Phil whispers, but Dan can hear how his voice wavers.

“Hm.” He hums, skimming his nose along Phil’s throat before attaching his lips to a spot just above his collarbone and sucking, letting his teeth graze the skin there. “Are you sure about that?” He whispers against the smooth, pale skin.

“Pretty… pretty sure.” Phil gasps, tossing his head back. “Dan, our floor. We’re on our floor.” He gently pushes Dan away, but his eyes hold a hunger that hadn’t been there before.

The smirk on Dan’s face doesn’t waver, and he drags Phil towards his own door, since he knew he had lube. The condom situation may be hit or miss, but as far as he was concerned, they could do it bare. Probably a stupid and reckless decision to make with a stranger, sure, but Phil was hot, and he didn’t want to let something like latex get in their way.

He shoves the door open, relieved for once to find that he’d left it unlocked. He really should lock his door, but he didn’t care enough to do so, especially when it came in handy during times like this. He doesn’t waste hardly any time before he’s got Phil pressed against the door, reattaching his lips back to where they’d been sucking a bruise into his neck just a few minutes earlier. Dan nearly groans at the sounds falling from Phil’s lips, but it doesn’t last long.

Dan’s almost shocked as Phil pushes him away, reversing their positions. He’s got a smirk on his face now, and Dan suddenly feels nervous. Phil’s so hot, and he looks so confident, and then his lips are on Dan’s neck and he’s whining, actually fucking whining as Phil sucks a spot above his collarbone.

Pulling away just slightly, Phil’s eyes meet Dan’s, and they’re full of amusement. “I knew you’d be vocal.” He taunts. He doesn’t even wait for a response, and his ministrations continue, Dan helpless against the feelings, left to thrash against the door as blood rushes to his cock, his head dizzy with arousal.

“Phil, Phil. Bedroom.” Dan grips the older man’s shoulders, gently pushing him away. Phil nods, and then he’s leading Dan to the bedroom, and Dan nearly sighs when his legs hit the mattress moments later as he falls onto his back. His shirt comes off immediately, and Phil raises an eyebrow, a small smile still on his lips. “Come here, please, god.” Dan whines, not even trying to cover up his lust.

Phil complies easily enough, straddling Dan. He places his hands on Dan’s stomach, slowly dragging his fingertips up, smirking at the way Dan shivers, then keens as Phil runs a thumb over one of his nipples. Raising an eyebrow questioningly, he repeats the action. “Hmm. If you’re making that sound now… I wonder what kind of sound you’d make…” He doesn’t finish his thought, but leans down, and Dan already knows what he’s going to do before he feels that wet heat closing around the sensitive skin.

The younger man arches up, a quiet moan falling out of his lips. He’d almost be embarrassed, but he’d embraced his loudness years ago, and Phil seemed to enjoy it as well. Phil continues with riling him up there for a few moments, before shifting to give the other nipple the same attention. Dan is panting, and his hips roll up into Phil’s involuntarily.

Phil’s mouth suddenly goes slack, and he groans at the friction Dan’s created. Dan smiles, proud to have had some effect on Phil. Without hesitating, he repeats the movement, painfully slow. Their jeans restrict them a little, but Dan find that it almost makes it hotter, the fact that they’re both almost fully dressed. He decides he needs to change that though, and tugs insistently at Phil’s shirt. “Off,” he demands.

The smirk Phil gives him before sitting up and tugging the shirt over his head nearly makes Dan’s eyes roll back in his head, and he’s so hot in here, they need to be naked, like now. Then the thoughts are being silenced as Phil brings their lips together, barely wasting a moment before his tongue slips into Dan’s mouth, licking against his own. Dan sighs into the kiss, and brings his arms to wrap around Phil’s neck, holding him there. If he could keep him there for hours, he would, the kiss is hot and wet and great, but Dan knows that if they stay like that, they can’t get to the other activities, and he’d very much like to do that.

Pulling away only briefly, he gestures to his bedside table. “There’s lube in the top drawer, maybe a condom too.” He runs a hand through Phil’s soft hair, with every intention of messing that perfect quiff up as they make out, but suddenly Phil is pulling away.

Dan can’t really describe the look on Phil’s face, but it’s somewhere between hurt and mad, which doesn’t make any sense. He struggles to think what he’d done wrong, but he can feel Phil’s cock pressing against his leg, and he knows that probably wouldn’t be the case if the kiss or the touching was just unappealing to Phil. So, it couldn’t be that. Rather than sit there wondering, Dan furrows his eyebrows before asking, “What’s wrong?”

Phil’s lips are wet and red, and they’re frowning, and Dan can’t figure out why they’re doing that, and so far away from his own. “Is that what this is about?” He asks, or demands actually, with the tone of his voice. Dan glances around the room, confused as he props himself up on his elbows.

“What?” He asks, genuinely not understanding where this is going.

“This,” Phil gestures between the two of them. “Today. Our date? And all the flirting? Was that just so you could get laid? I told you, Dan, I don’t sleep with people I don’t know.” His voice almost sounds hysterical, and Dan’s only more confused, his lust-addled brain not fully grasping why they’re talking and not kissing until Phil climbs off of him and grabs his shirt. His words process in Dan’s brain finally, and he sits up, unsure of how to handle this.

“What? No, Phil.” When Phil looks at him uncertainly, Dan caves. “Okay, I mean, maybe? Like, at least part of it was just me trying to get somewhere.” When Phil glares and tugs on his shirt, making his way out of the room, Dan shoots up off the bed to chase after him. “Phil! Wait, what the fuck? I thought we were on the same page.”

Phil spins on his heel, facing Dan with an expression of pure anger, which Dan hadn’t been prepared for at all. He cringes back slightly but struggles to maintain eye contact. “The same page? Do you mean the page where we fuck and then go back to our own lives like we didn’t?” Dan’s so shocked from his outburst that he doesn’t even think to comment on the fact that he got Phil to swear.

“No, that’s not what I meant…” Dan trails off as Phil rolls his eyes and starts towards the door again. “Wait!” Dan grabs his arm, but Phil shakes him off.

“No, Dan. I told you, I don’t just go around sleeping with people I don’t know.” Phil glances over Dan, a look of disgust, or maybe disappointment, on his face. “I’m not like you, apparently.”

Dan fumbles for his words, not letting Phil get away so easily. He was confused about why Phil was angry, but he thinks he’s slowly starting to get it. “But, you know me. That’s why we went for coffee, remember?” He tries.

Phil gapes at him, shaking his head, disbelief coloring his expression. “No! We went on one date, Dan! We barely knew each other before today, and we don’t even really know each other now!” Phil shakes his head once more before turning away. “Forget it, okay? This was a bad idea.”

The perfect fantasy he’d built in his head crumbling right in front of him, Dan grasps for straws. “I know your birthday! I know you drink caramel macchiatos, just like me. And I know that you have a brother and that you think Mario is husband material!” Dan knows he’s reaching now, but he finds that he’s not even doing it to get laid. He can’t fathom the idea that he could lose Phil over this, not after the wonderful day they just had and all they have in common. He felt like Phil could be a real friend if he would just try, and despite the fact that Dan wanted to sleep with him, he desperately didn’t want to lose his friendship, if that’s all he was offering.

As expected, Phil shakes his head, not buying it. “Those are just surface things, Dan. You don’t know my thoughts, or things that are important to me. I’ve made mistakes before, and one of them looked just like you. A boy who was everything I wanted, all wrapped up in nothing other than his desire to screw me. And you know what? I know better now. So, if that’s all you want from me, then I’m sorry Dan, but you can’t have that.” Phil’s eyes are fully of emotion, and Dan watches helplessly as he wipes angrily at a stray tear.

“I’m sorry,” Dan whispers hoarsely. “That’s not… that’s not all I want. We can be friends, too. I want to be your friend, Phil.” He’s nearly begging at this point, and he knows it’s pathetic, but he doesn’t even care. He doesn’t want to see Phil walk out the door without at least fighting for him to stay.

Phil just shakes his head sadly. “I’m sorry too, Dan. I can’t offer that. I want to be your friend, and I’m attracted to you, but if you aren’t interested in a relationship, in the work that it takes to maintain that, then I don’t have anything to offer you. We can be just friends, but I won’t be your fuck buddy.” He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair, which is disheveled from their earlier activities.

Dan just stares at him, and Phil takes this as his chance to leave, turning back to the door. It takes a moment for Dan’s brain to catch up with his mouth, but when it does, he blurts out, “I don’t think I can do a relationship… I’m not… I don’t think I’m ready for another relationship right now. But can’t we… can’t we try it?” He swallows hard, his eyes trailing away from Phil’s face for a second as he tries to gather his thoughts. “I really don’t want you to just walk away.” He whispers.

Phil studies him before shaking his head slowly. “No, Dan. We’re both adults. It’s childish and pretty naïve of you to assume that someone won’t get hurt in that kind of arrangement.” Dan opens his mouth to protest, but Phil raises a hand to stop him. “I’ve been there, I know how it works. I’m sorry, but I won’t do it. I wish you felt differently about the relationship thing, but I won’t pressure you. If that’s not what you want, I won’t try to force you.”

Dan just stares at him, wordlessly, as tears well up in his own eyes. He feels ridiculous for it, but after all the warmth he’d felt after spending the day with Phil, he didn’t think he could handle losing it all at once like this. But he can’t even think of a way to convince Phil not to leave, and it’s really not his place to ask that of him, especially not with everything he’d just shared. Dan was lucky he didn’t tell him to fuck off forever, honestly.

“If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” Phil says softly, and then he’s out the door, and for the time being, out of Dan’s life.

It takes him a few minutes of just staring at the door before Dan finally shuffles back into his bedroom, collapsing on the bed and rolling over to stare at the window. Fuck, he thinks to himself. Maybe I should have left the window open, after all. At least then the spiders could just crawl in and kill me in my sleep, so I wouldn’t have to deal with how much this fucking hurts.

Still, Dan doesn’t dare open the window. Even if everything had just fallen apart, he didn’t fancy adding the element of tiny horror beasts to his already shit life.


	3. Interesting Insects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil finally get their shit together...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, as promised! I've redone the structure of this story to be in chapters rather than completely different parts, so I hope that doesn't bother anyone too much. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you've enjoyed it!  
> Follow my tumblr: phantasticworks if you want

It had been a long, quiet two weeks since the incident with Dan’s attractive neighbor. Overall, he wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t heard from the older man, but he was arguably still disappointed. He really did like Phil, beyond just the fact that he was really hot. Phil was interesting and had depth and an amazing sense of humor. If only Dan hadn’t managed to fuck it up.

Dan’s grumbling to himself about his lost chance as he steps out of his bathroom in only a towel, barely paying attention to anything other than the fact that it was hot. Really hot, for London, especially when he didn’t have any air con. “Fuckin’ old London buildings,” he mutters, pulling a pair of blue boxers up his legs, leaving the damp towel on the floor. He wasn’t expecting company, so he didn’t really care how messy his room was. And right now, it was arguably quite a mess. Clothes littered the floor, clean and unclean alike, and Dan wasn’t very keen on picking them up. 

Tugging on a thin t-shirt and nothing more, Dan collapses on his bed, turning to gaze out his window. It really was rather hot, so he had opened it earlier that morning, in the hopes that it would provide a little bit of air circulation, at the very least. It didn’t really appear to be actually accomplishing anything, but the noise drifting up from the street made him feel a little less alone, which was certainly a plus. 

Sighing, Dan reaches for his phone that was laid charging on his pillow, but as he does his eyes dart up to his headboard, and he freezes. Suddenly, all the blood has drained out of his face, and possibly his body, because sat on the wall just above the headboard is a spider about the size of his hand. 

Well, actually that was probably an over-exaggeration, as it was likely closer to the size of his thumbnail, but Dan was nothing if not overdramatic, so he scrambled away from his bed, falling onto his ass in the process. Not letting his eyes drift from the hell-beast on the wall, he stands slowly, backing out of his room as carefully as he can, as to not startle it. 

“Okay,” he breathes to himself. This was fine. Everything was fine. Sure, he was literally stuck in a room with his biggest fear, but it was fine. He could just grab a cup and a piece of paper and do exactly what Phil had- oh! Phil!

Dan turns to walk to the front door with determination before realizing that Phil would likely not be interested in helping him, given how their last conversation had went. Dan was certain he could still feel the taste of Phil on his lips, but he had tried desperately to not think about it in the days following the incident. Sadly, the intrusion of the insect on his wall was making it all come flooding back. 

With a deep sigh and his skin already crawling, Dan goes to his kitchen and picks up a plastic cup from his sink, and then grabs a notebook from his coffee table on the way back to his bedroom. You can do this, he chants to himself as he approaches his bed slowly. It’s just a little spider. You can handle it.

He’s not entirely sure that his mantra is working, but he climbs onto his bed slowly, holding the cup in his left hand and tentatively gripping the notebook in his left. “Hi there, buddy. Erm- don’t try to kill me, but you can’t be here. I live here, and I don’t want you here. So, I’m gonna have to evict you.” He tells the spider, cringing when one little leg twitches. He squeaks, freezing for a moment. “Easy there, little buddy.” He breathes, slowly lifting the cup. 

His muscles are incredibly tense and he’s sweating from nerves and the obnoxious London heat, but he slowly raises the cup, and with a precision he wasn’t aware he had, he quickly closed it over the spider, holding his breath as he did so. “Oh my god,” He gasps, looking through the clear glass at the little monster residing within it. “I caught it! I fucking caught it!” He calls to no one in particular. 

Dan realizes the hard part is definitely not over yet, as he still has to manage to get the little bugger off the wall using the notebook. Swallowing hard, he pushes the very edge of the cover under the lid of the cup, shivering in disgust when the spider twitches. “Yes!” He shouts, sitting back on his heels, grinning at his success. “Fuck yeah. I knew I could do it. Fuck you, little spider. You can’t live here.” He taunts the insect, and he swears it hisses at him. “Ew,” he mumbles, shifting to move his feet out from under him.

And that’s when it all goes to shit. 

His foot had somehow gotten tangled under his duvet, curtesy of early morning him being too lazy to make his bed, so when he goes to pull his legs out from under him, he loses his balance. His body jerking close to the edge, he throws a hand out to catch his fall, and can only watch in mute horror as the cup tumbles off the notebook, the spider going right along with it.

Only then, when he realizes the spider is out and probably full of vengeance, does Dan scream. 

“Fuck!” He shouts as he scrambles fully off his bed, kicking the duvet away from him as he pushes himself off the floor. He’s shivering violently, just the thought of the spider being out causing his skin to crawl. Without checking to see where exactly the spider went, he decides he literally can’t handle this himself, and quickly makes his way to his front door. 

Mad or not, he was about to go disrupt whatever nice day Phil was probably having and beg him, once more, to come rescue him from a fucking spider no bigger than his thumb. He’d rethink it if he wasn’t so objectively terrified of the little monsters, but he was literally petrified of them, so he was absolutely going to shove his pride aside and knock on his crush’s door. 

Leaving the door to his flat wide open, Dan stomps across the hallway and doesn’t even think as he raises his fist and knocks on the white door in front of him. He knocks four times impatiently before stepping back, rocking on his heels uncertainly. It occurs to him only then that he’s only wearing boxers and a t-shirt, but just as he feels the embarrassment about that seeping in, the door swings open. 

Naturally, since Dan feels, and looks, like he’s falling apart, Phil looks incredibly well put together and attractive. Dan swallows hard, allowing his eyes to drift from the black Jurassic Park t-shirt, down to his shorts that display his long legs, and back up to the blue eyes that are glasses-free. Phil seems to be appraising Dan as well, but he has a look of confusion on his face that probably rivals Dan’s look of awe. 

“Dan? What’s going on?” Phil asks slowly.

"Well, this is going to sound really stupid," Dan takes a deep breath before settling back on his heels, biting his lip. "Hi, by the way," he adds, blushing when Phil rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. Dan would be lying if he said he wasn't staring straight at his biceps when he did this.

"What?" Phil demands, sounding no less thrilled to be seeing Dan than Dan himself was, given the circumstances. 

"Er- there's, well, I thought I caught it, but then I fell, so..." Dan rambles. Phil raises an eyebrow, still obviously confused. "There's another spider. I... Can you, um..." He trails off uncertainly, suddenly pretty positive that Phil is going to tell him to fuck off. "Actually, nevermind, this was stupid, I'm sorry," Dan shakes his head quickly, spinning on his heel to return back to his own flat. 

It was fine, he could just burn down the entire bedroom, it would all be fine. He'd blame it on faulty outlets or something. Maybe he'd claim it was just the excessive London heat. Yeah, that actually sounds relatively believable, all things considered. He could totally just blame it on that- 

He feels his arm being tugged on gently, and turns with a frown to find Phil looking at him, a soft, pitying look on his face. "I'll come get the spider for you," He says gently, letting go of Dan's arm when he has his attention. Gesturing for Dan to lead the way, Phil waits patiently. 

"Oh," Dan stutters out. "Oh- okay. Sure, come on." He shakes his head in confusion at the turn of events before slowly crossing over into his apartment and leading the way into his bedroom. "It might have... Well, I sort of tried to catch it and then dropped it on my bed, so I'm not entirely sure where it is now." Dan bites his lip in embarrassment as they come to stand in his flat. 

Phil glances over at him once, his blue eyes flickering down to Dan's lips once. Dan releases his bottom lip from between his teeth, but blushes at the way that Phil's eyes slowly travel back up to meet his own. "Okay. I'll have a look around." He nods at Dan before walking over to the rumpled bed. He picks up the cup and notebook, setDating them on the bedside table before lifting up the duvet cautiously. 

"Sorry, I know it's a mess," Dan feels the need to apologize with Phil standing in his messy bedroom, and his cheeks flood with heat when Phil only shrugs. He was twenty-seven, for fuck's sake, couldn't he keep his room clean? He vows to do better from now on, but his subconscious helpfully reminds him that this would probably be the last time Phil would even step foot in his flat, let alone his bedroom. 

After a few minutes of Phil shaking out the duvet, he gingerly tosses it onto the bed, the glances around the floor carefully. He takes only a few moments, then sighs. "I don't know, Dan. I don't see it anywhere. Was it bigger than the last one?" He asks, running a hand through his quiff. Dan bites his lip, shaking his head slowly. 

He holds his thumb out and then shrugs. "It was about the size of my thumbnail, give or take," He says quietly, trying his best not to sound like a child. After a short silence, he sighs. "I'm sorry I bothered you. Thank you for coming over to look. I... I won't bother you with things like this anymore." He promises softly. 

Phil studies him for a few minutes before sighing, letting his eyes trail over to the open window. "You didn't... You didn't bother me, Dan." He says softly. 

Dan tries not to let himself hope, but he can't help the way he perks up at Phil's words. "Really?" He asks, aware that he sounds like an excited child. 

Sighing again, Phil shakes his head. "Of course not. I don't mind helping you out with your spider thing. Don't ever feel bad about coming to me for that." His words are sweet and generous, but Dan can't help but feel like it's sort of Phil's way of compensating for the fact that Dan is really just an overgrown child who can't handle things himself. 

Without thinking too much about the consequences, he suddenly blurts out, "I'm sorry, Phil."

The older man shakes his head, but Dan doesn't think he knows what he's actually apologizing for. "No, Dan, you don't have to be sorry, it's fine, okay? I don't mind helping."

"No, not for that." Dan swallows hard. "Well, I guess partially for that. But no, really what I wanted to apologize for was being a massive twat the other day.” He lets his eyes drift to the floor, unsure if he’s actually ready to face the look on Phil’s face, which is probably disgust, or annoyance. “So, yeah. I’m sorry.” 

There's a silence where neither of them say a word, but then he hears a short laugh. Surprised, Dan glances up at the ebony-haired man in front of him, who looks amused. "Really? That's the best you've got, Dan?" He deadpans, his amusement quickly shifting to a look of indifference. 

Dan's heart plummets, and he tries not to let his panic show on his face. God, he was really hoping that this would go well. "Um..." He trails off slowly. "No, I guess not." He sighs, resigned. 

Phil stares at him for a moment before shrugging, sitting on his bed as if it's his house. "Well, I'd like a better apology, given we went out for coffee and then you tried to jump my bones like two hours later." He crosses his arms, a look of unfiltered annoyance on his face. 

Trying not to let his face show his surprise, Dan swallows hard. The words hurt, sure, but they weren't untrue, sadly. Nodding numbly, he goes to sit at the end of his bed, putting a fair amount of space between them. "I shouldn't have done that. I didn't realize you weren't on the same page as me, and when we came back here and started fooling around, I just assumed-" he catches the incredulous look on Phil's face and hurries to correct himself. "I'm not saying it was your fault! It wasn't, it was all on me, I just misunderstood. I... I guess I'm not really sure why I didn't realize it wasn't just about sex for you." He says uncertainly. 

It's quiet for a moment before Phil speaks again. "Is that really all it was about to you?" He whispers, his voice sounding full of hurt. 

Dan hurries to shake his head, reaching his hand out only to realize that Phil probably wouldn't appreciate the contact. "No! I had a great time getting coffee with you, and I think you're really fascinating. I didn't- god I didn't want to just fuck you and forget you. I just... I wasn't aware that you were looking for a relationship." Dan finishes, nearly inaudible. 

Phil shakes his head at this. "So, what? If you didn't want to just screw and then kick me out, and you also didn't want a relationship, what did you want?" Phil is staring at Dan, but Dan finds it very hard to raise his eyes to meet the older man's, mainly due to his shame. 

Shrugging, Dan pulls at a string on the end of his boxers. His face flushes when he realizes that he is still very underdressed, but he figures that it's ridiculous to be worried about it now. "I guess I just figured we could be... casual? I know, that's dumb. You already told me how you feel about that, and I respect that. I'm sorry I made you feel like your desires weren't respected when that happened, honest. That... that was never my intention." Ridiculously, Dan feels himself getting choked up, and he tries to subtly press his fingers to his eyes to stop the tears from welling up, but with Phil staring straight at him, he's sure it doesn't go unnoticed. 

It occurs to Dan then, how ridiculous it is to be sitting there crying over a man he wasn't dating, and whom he had no real ties to. But there was just something so comforting and warm being in Phil's presence, and even though he was currently sat two feet away from him, Dan missed that comfort deeply. 

"Thank you for apologizing." Phil says, suddenly going to stand. "I'm still a little pissed off, but it's nothing I can't handle." He glances around the room, his eyes not settling on Dan for once. "I'm sorry I couldn't find the spider. Maybe if you clean your room up you can find it, or maybe it's gone for now." His voice sounds tight, as if he's reciting lines that he's rehearsed, and Dan wonders if this seriously is going to end in the way he thinks, which is badly. 

"Oh... Okay." Dan stands slowly, wringing his hands as he looks over at Phil. "Well... Um, thank you. For coming over here. And... and for letting me apologize. I..." he takes a deep breath before meeting Phil's gaze directly for the first time since he started apologizing. "I still want to be your friend, if you'll have me."

Phil studies him for a moment, several emotions flitting across his features; anger, pity, and maybe even hurt, before his eyes soften into something more closely resembling uncertainty. "We... I don't know if that's a good idea, Dan," He looks apologetic, but Dan feels that he's probably relieved to say the words. 

"Oh," Dan feels as if his voice sounds very far away. "I guess... Um... Okay." He feels his shoulders sag as he gives in, tired of protesting. 

"I'm not saying never," Phil supplies helpfully, a small smile on his face when Dan looks up at him. "I'm just saying... not right now, maybe. Okay? I think..." He trails off, glancing out Dan's window before his eyes slowly trail back to Dan's. "I think we both need a minute, okay? I don't doubt that I want you to be my friend, but I feel that on my part, at least, I need a little time to process what happened." He sounds hesitant, and while Dan's not entirely sure what he means, he nods. 

"Okay," he whispers, glancing down at his feet. "I'm sorry."

He sees two feet come to a stop in front of his, and then feels a hand come up to the back of his head, followed by soft lips pressed to his hair. "I know," Phil murmurs back. 

Dan squeezes his eyes shut, willing the tears away.

"Bye, Dan." Phil breathes into his hair. And then, he's gone, walking out of Dan's flat, and for the time-being, his life. 

Dan tries not to let himself cry when he hears the door click shut quietly, but an hour later when he finally emerges from his bed with red rimmed eyes and a stuffy nose to get a glass of water- well, that's not really anyone else's business, is it?

\--- 

It's a little over a month later, with lots of careful avoiding of his neighbor on Dan's behalf, that he hears a light rapping at his door. He wasn't expecting anyone, so he's confused as he steps out of the kitchen where he had been stress baking some cupcakes, wiping his flour covered hands on his jeans. 

To say that he's surprised when he opens the door to find Phil standing in front of him would be an understatement. Looking sheepish but attractive as always, Phil stands with a small smile, holding an envelope in his hand. He's wearing black jeans similar to Dan's own, despite the warm weather, and he's paired it with a simple grey t-shirt. 

"Hi," Phil says quietly, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, shifting on his feet awkwardly. 

Dan pushes his curls back, cringing when he realizes they're damp with sweat from being in the kitchen for the last hour. "Hey," he breathes, trying hard not to fidget too much. He felt idiotic; it wasn't like they had dated or anything, yet he felt as if he was seeing his ex and his crush at the same time, his stomach a swarm of angry butterflies. "Um, come in," he offers, stepping away from the door and gesturing awkwardly for Phil to enter. 

"Thanks," Phil smiles, a little awkwardly. He seems to smell the cupcakes, and his eyes light up. "Are you baking?" He asks, shock clear in his voice.

Dan nods, embarrassed. "Yeah, I do that every now and then." He makes his way to the kitchen, assuming that Phil would follow. "Um, not that you aren't welcome, of course, but... what are you doing here?" he asks, trying his hardest not to sound rude. 

"Oh, um- here." Phil holds out the small envelope in his hand, and Dan looks at it in confusion before tentatively taking it. "Your mail ended up in my box again," he supplies, shrugging as he leans against the counter. 

"Oh," Dan says, tearing open the envelope, which only has his name written on it, with no return address. There's a stamp, so it had to have been mailed, but he's incredibly curious as to what's in it. "Thanks for bringing it over, I-" He freezes when he pulls out the card inside. Suddenly, he forgets about Phil and whatever is happening between them, and his mind is thrust into a past that occurred almost two years ago now. A past with green eyes and wild curls that challenged his own, and hidden kisses in dark corners. A past with sneaking around and fights that lasted until early morning and slamming doors in dark apartments. 

He vaguely hears Phil calling his name, but he's not paying attention. He fumbles with the wedding invitation in his hand, unaware that he's ripping it until it's fluttering to the ground in delicate little pieces. 

"Dan!" Phil shouts, finally breaking through to him. "What the hell?" 

Dan slowly turns to look at him, his head swimming with questions and thoughts, unsure if he should explain or demand that Phil leave so he could have a meltdown in private. 

"Are you okay?" Phil asks, suddenly stepping closer to Dan and reaching a hand up to tuck a curl out of his face. 

Shaking his head numbly, Dan stares down at the pieces of paper around his feet. "He's getting married," he whispers brokenly, his words barely heard. 

"He... who, Dan? Who's getting married?" Phil sounds confused, and Dan wants to laugh. Who was exactly right, because the boy Dan had loved all those years ago would have never married. This has to be a joke. It has to be. 

"Matthew." He whispers, as if the name would mean anything to Phil. 

"I'm... I'm sorry, who? Dan, I don't know what you're talking about, but you're scaring me." Phil sounds almost panicked at this point, and Dan doesn't even flinch when the oven beeps, signaling that the cupcakes are done. 

"You should go," Dan says, his voice and face void of emotion as he steps away from Phil, slipping an oven mitt on and taking the pan of cupcakes out of the oven, setting them on a cooling rack with the kind of ease that comes from doing something pretty regularly. 

"Dan," Phil says firmly from behind him. Dan doesn't face him, but that doesn't stop Phil from grabbing his arm and tugging him around to face him. 

Dan tears his arm out of Phil's grip, suddenly pissed that Phil would even pretend to care when he too somehow managed to break Dan's heart barely a month ago. "No," he snaps, glaring at the man in front of him. "I don't need you to sit here and act like you give a damn about me, okay? I can handle myself, so just," Dan gestures to the door carelessly. "Just go." He finishes quietly, his throat closing up. He desperately doesn't want to be alone right now, but he definitely doesn't want to be alone with someone who's only around out of pity. 

Phil stares at him for a second before shaking his head. "No, fuck you, Dan. You don't get to decide that just because you don't care about me, that I feel the same about you. That's not your choice to make." 

Tensing, Dan stares at him in surprise. "What?" He says slowly. 

Rolling his eyes, Phil crosses his arms. "I know you've already moved on or whatever, and that's fine, but I do care about you, you know. As a friend, and... well, probably more, honestly, but I'm trying to respect that you don't want the same things. But you're clearly upset right now, and as a friend, I want to be here for you." Phil seems to deflate then, dropping his arms out of their defensive stance. "But, if you want to put up your walls and just keep me out of whatever is going on, that's fine. I get it." 

He sounds incredibly resigned, and Dan can only stare in silence, completely floored by the honesty and pure kindness in Phil's words. The epiphany he has then was honestly one that's been a long time coming, but it suddenly occurs to him that maybe letting people in, or at least Phil, isn't such a bad thing. Sure, it was scary as hell, but... he could let Phil care about him as a friend, surely. 

Phil seems to get tired of waiting, and he turns as if to leave. Dan swallows hard, realizing it's now or never. "Wait," he calls out, a little louder than he'd intended. Phil stops short at his voice, spinning to face him in surprise. Dan takes a deep breath before bending down to collect the pieces of the wedding invitation that he'd thrown in the floor. 

"What are you doing?" Phil asks cautiously, taking an uncertain step towards Dan. 

Dan sighs, moving the pieces around to piece the invitation back together, including the stupid picture of his ex's stupid face, as well as the name of him and his soon-to-be husband. Dan's hands shake as he pushes the pieces together to create a cohesive picture, and he lets out a breath as he slowly steps back. "C'mere." He murmurs, waving Phil closer to him. 

Phil takes a hesitant step closer, glancing between the invitation to Dan. "What are you doing?" He repeats, sounding even more confused and concerned than before. 

Dan shrugs. "I'm letting you in." He quirks his lip up just a little in a small smile. 

Staring at Dan for a long moment, Phil finally turns his gaze to the invitation on the counter. He studies it for a moment before he glances back at Dan. He still looks confused, but he's got a calculating look on his face, as if he's slowly figuring out why this is important. 

"Who's Matthew?' Phil asks softly. 

Dan points to the green eyed face staring back at him from the gorgeously shot photo, a man Dan had only seen in online stalking sessions at four am accompanying his ex in the picture. Staring at the picture only makes Dan's heart ache, and he clears his throat, his eyes flicking instead over to the words. 

A cutesy line about endless love is accompanied by the full names of both men, and Dan feels his heart race at the elegant script spelling out Matthew Thomas Langdon. If the name wasn't already engrained into his memory from spending almost four years with the man, it surely would be know from seeing it printed in the curly letters. Dan had never thought there'd be a day where he'd see it printed out like that, but if you had told him three years ago that when he did see it, it would be included with someone else's name, he would've laughed in your face. 

He's not laughing now.

The kitchen is silent for a long time, but when the silence is broken, Dan is relieved. "I'm sorry," Phil says quietly. Dan can feel his gaze burning into the side of his face, but he doesn't respond other than a nod. 

Taking a deep breath, Dan turns to pull himself up onto the counter beside the invitation, staring straight across the kitchen at the cupboards above his stove. "We dated for nearly four years," he begins slowly, trying his hardest to speak with a tone of indifference. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Phil shift closer to him, his hand coming up to scoop the invitation up and depositing it in a heap at the other end of the counter. 

"Dan," Phil murmurs. "You don't have to tell me about it if you're not ready to talk about it." He says gently, his voice full of understanding. This only serves to make Dan even more emotional, but he shakes his head. 

"No." He decides then that he's tired of ruining the nice things in his life. If he's going to make it anywhere in the friendship he wants to build with Phil, then he needs to start by being honest with him, completely honest. "You wanted to know more about me as a person, right?" When Phil nods uncertainly, Dan smiles sadly. "Well, this is a good start."

"Do you want to go sit on your sofa while we talk? It's got to be more comfortable than your countertop." Phil suggests, nodding to the lounge. 

Dan nods, hopping off the counter and going over to the kettle. "Tea?" He asks, uncertain what else he has to offer. 

Phil smiles, which he takes to be a good sign. "I'd love some." 

Nodding, Dan fills up the kettle with water, trying to ignore Phil's gaze following him around his kitchen. "Um, Hello Kitty, One Direction, or... um, Daddy? Mugs, I mean. You can pick." Dan blushes as he sets out his mug collection for Phil to pick from, embarrassed that those are the only ones he has clean. 

Phil smirks as he looks over the cups before pointing to the Daddy mug. "But only because it looks like it can hold more tea," he comments, clearly still smirking, even as Dan flushes. "I don't have a daddy kink." 

Dan coughs then, feeling suddenly very hot and overwhelmed. "Oh, well, that's- um- thanks for sharing... um... that...." Dan trails off awkwardly, suddenly very uncertain about what to say. 

Snickering, Phil comes over to stand beside Dan, brushing his shoulder against Dan's. "I'm kidding, Dan. I'm just trying to lighten the mood." He has a genuine smile on his face, and Dan nods, trying his hardest not to feel completely embarrassed. "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable." 

"No, um, it's fine." Dan struggles to come up with a joke, but all that leaves his mouth is, "I actually have kinks that are way worse than that one, so it's fine." As soon as the words leave his mouth, he covers his face. "Jesus- fuck, I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Forget I said that, that's cancelled," he rambles, shaking his head. 

Phil only smiles, bringing his hand up to brush Dan’s curls back. “I don’t think you can say much to scare me off at this point,” he jokes, his tongue doing that thing where he pokes it out between his teeth. Knowing what that tongue feels like makes it very hard for Dan to focus on something other than the way it swipes across Phil’s bottom lip, but he forces himself to focus on making their tea. 

“Well, I haven’t told you the full sob story about myself yet. We’ll see how you’re feeling after that, I guess,” he allows, handing Phil his cup a moment later. 

Shrugging, Phil follows him into the lounge. “I guess you’ll just have to try me.” 

Dan takes a deep breath as he and Phil settle onto the sofa, figuring it’s really just a matter of getting his thoughts together to explain the full story. Or, as much of it as he can stand to confess to someone who, although he feels very close to, is still very much a stranger. 

“Matthew and I were together for nearly four years,” Dan begins, staring down at the coffee table. “We met when I started uni at Manchester, but I didn’t stick with it.” He swallows hard, glancing over at Phil when he sees that he’s perked up in interest. 

“I’m from near Manchester, so it’s funny you went to uni there,” he supplies in explanation of his reaction. 

Dan nods, smiling slightly as he files that fact away. “Explains the accent, then,” he teases lightly, nudging Phil’s knee with his own. His heart swells when Phil returns the nudge, a smile on his face as well. 

“Hey, don’t bully me.” He pouts, sipping his tea to hide his smile. 

Rolling his eyes, Dan nods in agreement before sitting back, gaze trailing over to his bookshelf. It’s stupid, he knows, but he still has a photo album of some of his best memories of himself and Matthew, although he swears that he only keeps it because there’s plenty of pictures of other people in it. (Three, actually. He’s counted.) He stands, giving Phil a reassuring smile as he steps over to the shelf to grab the small binder. 

He hands it to Phil before he resumes his seat, watching the older man carefully as he opens the cover. Phil’s gaze softens notably when he takes in the first few pictures, which Dan knows without looking are of he and Matthew at nineteen and twenty-one, respectively. Part of Matt’s appeal to Dan was the fact that he was a junior when Dan was only a freshman in university, and Matthew just seemed so smart and interesting at the time. Really, Dan felt that he always paled in comparison to the older boy, even now, years after their breakup. 

“You were such a twink,” Phil says from beside him, fondness and teasing in his voice. Dan elbows him sharply for that. “Hey!” He laughs in protest, rubbing his side. 

“I was not!” Dan protests, although he’s vaguely aware that Phil is right. He’s honestly pretty sure that’s the whole reason Matthew ever gave him the time of day. The fact that he was kind of slutty and always around and flirting with Matthew probably helped. 

Phil shrugs, as if to agree to disagree, before he flips to the next page. He studies these with a rapt curiosity and Dan feels strangely jealous. He knew that these pages included pictures of himself and Matthew the year before they started dating, when they were both just a mess of sexual tension and flirting. Matt had always been unfairly attractive, and Dan feels almost as if he’s just opened himself up for judgement as Phil is probably ogling over his hot ex-boyfriend and wondering how on earth Dan ever managed to snag him. 

“You’re so beautiful, Dan,” Phil says softly, catching Dan completely off-guard. His finger traces over a picture on the bottom left, and Dan knows that it’s a picture of himself and Matthew on a couch, with his ex-boyfriend lounging casually behind a younger version of himself. While Matt looks noticeably drunk, Dan’s eyes are still bright without the effects of alcohol, his hair straight and long, which was just how he liked to keep it then. 

“I looked like a twink, you were right,” Dan sighs, staring at the younger version of Matt with a frown on his face. 

“No,” Phil protests, turning to face Dan with his eyebrows furrowed. “I’m serious, Dan. You… you were so cute, and yeah you looked like a power bottom even back then,” Dan chooses to ignore this, but he can’t help the flush on his cheeks. “But you…” Phil trails off as he turns back to the pictures. “You’re really something.” 

You’re. As in, present tense. Dan’s heart swells with something like affection, but he struggles to stomp that down, as he knows it’s likely just to get him in trouble. Phil would surely not be such a fan of him after he heard the full story. 

“Well, how about you look through these while I talk,” Dan suggests, nodding to the album in Phil’s hands. 

Phil nods, mimicking a zipper across his lips and throwing away the key. Dan tries not to smile at this, but he can’t help it, it’s just too cute. 

Dan settles in beside him, turning so that his knee is pressing against Phil’s hip, while his other leg hangs off the sofa. “We started dating when I was twenty-one and he was twenty-three.” Dan says quietly, watching as Phil flips through the pictures. “I had been in love with him since I met him pretty much, but he always found a way to… well, push me away.” 

Phil glances up at this and raises an eyebrow but says nothing. 

“First, it was school. He claimed that he didn’t want to prioritize anything above school. I told him that was fine, I didn’t need his constant love and affection. I… I thought I would be fine if he’d just let me be with him, you know? So, eventually, he gave in.” Dan swallows hard, trying not to lose his nerve. “We slept together on and off until I turned twenty, and by then I decided I wanted more. I told him I was in love with him.” 

Dan goes quiet then, noticing the picture Phil has landed on. It was one that a friend had taken of them at a party before they started dating, but after the fight they had after Dan confessed his love. Matt hadn’t spoken to him for two weeks, but when this party came up, he asked Dan to go with him. Dan agreed, for some reason, and at some point, they wound up in the corner on the floor, talking and occasionally snogging. Luckily, this picture was just of the former, both of their heads bowed together, Dan’s hands moving about excitedly. He wonders absently what exact thought or idea younger-him had been explaining to the boy who probably couldn’t have given a fuck less. 

“He told me he felt the same, but he didn’t think he was good enough for me. I begged him to give me a chance, and finally, he did.” Dan laughs bitterly then. “Biggest goddamn mistake I ever made.” 

Phil frowns, turning to look at him. “Dan, you don’t owe me this explanation. If this is something… if this isn’t something you’re completely ready to talk about, we don’t have to. I- I can live with knowing that there’s things that you don’t want me to know.” Phil takes a deep breath then, and Dan tenses in anticipation for what he’s about to say. “I like you, a lot, for someone I barely know. And, it’s not ideal, but I can get over my aversion to the casual thing if that’s the only way you think you can… well, if it’s the only way you think you can be with me.” Phil finishes, biting his lip as he waits for Dan’s response. 

Dan can only shake his head, fond and surprised. “No, Phil.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want you to just get over it. I… Dammit, I’ve really made a mess of things, and I know that, but I don’t want you to settle for that, because I’ve been there, and that’s shit. That’s what I’m trying to explain to you.” Dan gestures to the photo album. “My life revolved around someone who didn’t want me the same way I wanted him for years, and I can’t- no, I won’t do that to you.” Dan says firmly, shaking his head at the very idea of doing to Phil what Matthew had done to him. 

“Oh,” Phil says slowly. He closes the photo album then, and Dan’s heart clenches. “Well, um. I- I guess I should go. I won’t- I don’t want to waste your time, Dan, and I get it, sometimes things like that aren’t mutual, and that’s-“ Phil’s rambling as he goes to stand, but Dan pulls on his arm to get him to sit back down. 

Shaking his head adamantly, Dan laughs slightly at the confusion. “No, that’s not what I meant, Phil. I didn’t mean that I don’t want you,” Dan chuckles at this, looking away from the striking blue eyes with a blush. “Believe me, it’s the very opposite. I want you, really, really badly. And not just your cock, er- sorry, I’m crude sometimes-“ He apologizes, noticing the shock on Phil’s face, as well as the sudden color in the older man’s cheeks. “I want you, in the same way I wanted Matthew. Just… maybe to a healthier extent.”

“Oh.” Phil breathes, suddenly understanding just what the point of their conversation is. 

“Listen, I really obsessed over Matthew and what our life was, but that didn’t go to plan, as you can tell.” He points to the photo album, but neither of them reaches for it. “He didn’t want to tell his parents, or anyone outside of our friend group, that we were together. His family didn’t know he was gay, and he had this deep, internalized shame about it.” Dan can’t help but feel sorry for Matthew, as he can’t imagine the kind of pain that must have been, hiding yourself like that for so long. Sure, Dan didn’t have a perfect family or even a perfect coming out story, but his family still loved him. 

“I’m sorry.” Phil says softly, his hand coming over to rest on Dan’s. 

Dan only nods. “It sucked, I’ll admit. But, according to my therapist, that really fucked with my head. Who knew, right? Spending six years of your life pining after someone who has so many internalized issues that they can’t love themselves, let alone you, can really fuck you up, apparently.” He tries his hardest to laugh, but at the very reminder he feels his eyes grow wet, and the laugh comes out sounding more like a sob. 

“Dan,” Phil murmured. Before Dan could even think to protest, Phil was tugging on his leg, effectively pulling Dan to sit straddling his lap. Without pausing to check that Dan’s okay with this, because of course he is, Phil reaches up and tugs Dan’s head down gently to rest on his shoulder. “You are not fucked up, okay? Matthew was a fucking dick, and you deserve better than that twat.” 

Dan sniffles into the soft fabric of Phil shirt as the older man strokes a hand down his back, while his other hand cards through Dan’s hair. “I… I really believed for a long time that it was me.” He whispers. He figures that at this point there’s very little point in putting on some pretense, so he allows himself this moment of weakness. 

“Don’t,” Phil demands. “Don’t you ever think for a minute that it was your fault. Matthew was clearly an ass with daddy issues who never grew up, and if he decided to fuck it up with you, then that’s his loss. Dan, I barely know you, but I know you’re sweet and kind, you have an amazing sense of humor, and you are so compassionate.” Phil kisses his hair, and Dan feels his tears flowing freely. 

“Thank you,” he mumbles wetly into Phil’s neck. 

Phil’s quiet for a moment, petting Dan’s head. “Thank you for sharing all this with me.” He whispers suddenly. 

Dan pulls away a little to make eye contact with him. “You’re welcome,” he whispers back, stopping barely two inches away from Phil’s face. “I wanted you to understand that it’s not you. I’m fucked up for reasons that have nothing to do with you, and those reasons don’t change how much I like you.” 

“I think I understand a lot more about you now. I really appreciate you telling me about all of this. I… I hate to think that you went through all of that, but I’m so glad it didn’t work out between you two.” Phil blushes then, seemingly realizing how rude those words could be taken, if Dan was the type to misinterpret things. “I mean… You know what I mean. I’m just glad that he’s there, and you’re here. With me.” Phil’s eyes are soft and the light reflects off them in a way that makes the yellow and green flecks pop out. 

“I am here. With you,” Dan repeats, nuzzling back into Phil’s neck. “Thank you for not running for the hills the minute I started freaking out and tearing up that invitation. That probably wasn’t my best moment.” Dan blushes at the memory. 

Phil only chuckles beneath him, the movement of his chest reminding Dan of their somewhat compromising position. “It’s okay. I’ve seen stranger in my thirty-two years. I think I can handle just about anything you throw my way.” Phil teases gently. 

“Yeah?” Dan says hesitantly, leaning back to get a look at Phil’s face to assess how far he’s allowed to go. It’s been a long day of confessions, and the last thing he wanted to do was take it too far. 

Smiling softly, Phil nods. Then, he decides to spare Dan the worrying, and he brings a hand up to hold Dan’s jaw gently. “This okay?” He whispers just before their lips touch.

“Yes,” Dan breathes before closing the gap and pressing his lips to Phil’s. His eyes shut immediately, and he sighs against the soft lips, feeling as if he can finally breathe. Phil is slow and gentle, working against Dan’s lips with a tenderness that makes Dan all but melt. They stay like that for several moments, sharing slow, languid kisses. 

When Phil finally pulls away, Dan is sad, but he’s also infinitely happier than he was before they kissed. “Does this mean I can have another chance?” He asks softly, staring down into blue eyes, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth as he waits for an answer. 

Phil smiles up at him. “I think I’d like that.” He nods, craning his neck to capture Dan’s lips once more. 

Dan smiles against his lips, his heart swelling in happiness. They still had a lot to discuss, and Dan would inevitably have to properly process the fact that his ex was tying the knot with someone who wasn’t him, but he felt that all of those things would be okay. Because now, at least he had Phil to sort through those things with him. He felt infinitely more in control knowing that he wouldn’t have to face any of it alone; the memories of his ex-boyfriend, the frightening realities of a new relationship, and yes, even the spiders which still invade his flat. 

But, maybe this time he’ll go ahead and leave the window open. Sometimes it’s nice to let others in, and although he didn’t have to knock down all his walls at once, he could open a window, at the very least. 

Then again, he’ll probably just leave his metaphorical window open, as an hour later when he’s gone in his room to fetch a blanket, he finds the spider from earlier and screams like a little girl, closing the window as Phil collects the demon-spawn. 

So yeah, maybe the literal window can stay shut for now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first phanfiction so let me know what you think!  
> Follow me @phantasticworks on tumblr for more phanfiction in the future!  
> 


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